Searching for Perfection
by GirlEllieA
Summary: AU, BL Can you trust a person again who you once called your boyfriend, when you yourself have the biggest secret of your own?
1. Chapter 1

"Oh come on, girls! We have to get it right! The classics are in two weeks and if we want to have a chance at winning, we'll have to get it right! We are not leaving until we have this right!" Brooke Davis yelled at her cheer squad. It was only the beginning of the year and they already were practicing every school day for two hours and quite frankly, Brooke had a little enough of it herself. But since this was her senior year at Tree Hill High, it was her last chance of going to the Spark Classics National. Last year they just came second after the Beak Creek Warriors, but it was so close. But Brooke wanted to do better this year. And win the Spark Classics National, like her mum did 3 of the 4 years when she was cheerleading captain of the Tree Hill Ravens.

Brooke looked as the girls did the performance; Brooke had spent many summer days thinking through. Her best friend Peyton was now on top of pyramid, with her eyes in the air. Smiling. Because that's what each cheerleader is supposed to do. "Okay girls! That was perfect! I'll see you tomorrow after school," Brooke said as her team grabbed their things and went to the dressing room.

Brooke was putting her pompoms in her bag when Peyton, with her perfect blond curls, walked over to her. "Hey B," she started, "you don't have to be so hard on yourself, you know!"

"I know, but I have a feeling I have to. I have to make my mum proud of me, you know!" She replied.

"Trust me, Brooke, she's proud of you," Peyton reassured her as they walked by the still training basketball team. A certain blue-eyes, blond-haired boy crossed eyes with Brooke, which caused her to smile.

"So what's going on with you and Lucas, by the way? There's been so much tension and vibes between you lately. The whole crew senses it." Peyton asked as they reached the dressing rooms.

Brooke sat on the benches and sighed. "Honestly, I don't know. He's sending these signals, I think, about possible getting back together. But I don't want to ruin the friendship who have established for the last year and a half."

"You have feelings for him?" Peyton asked.

"There was never a question about feelings. It's just, I don't know if I can trust him with my feelings!"

"Well, I would say you two have to talk this through. To see if you want to try again, or you just want to stay friends," she said, "But for what it's worth, I think you would make a great couple!"

Brooke smiled and the two best friends left the dressing rooms.

-

"Okay, class. The school year has only just started and already there are students who are failing my class," Mr. Jones told as he walked through the class room. "So that's why I'm going to give you all an assignment. Including the ones who have good grades. And not an ordinary one. You see, literature is something from all ages. The Egyptians wrote stuff on papyrus rolls. In the middle ages myths and legends were written down after being told from father to sons for ages. We have the Brönte sisters who all wrote wonderful novels. And we have our contemporary authors from the twentieth century. And in all those years, centuries there were always written beautiful love stories. So that's what we are going to do."

Every student in that class room was surprised. Were they really going to write a love story? He couldn't be serious, right. Brooke eyed Peyton who apparently found it a quite amusing assignment. All students were talking. But Brooke noticed that Lucas was just sitting there, staring out of the window. It was quite unusual for Lucas not to pay attention during English. It was after all his favorite subject.

"So anyway, since teenage love is everywhere nowadays, for the ones of you who has their boyfriend of girlfriend in this class. He or she will be your partner. For the ones who have an ex-boyfriend of girlfriend in this class, he or she will be your partner. And for the rest who doesn't have both, we will fix you someone …" he told and the whole class had mixed responds. The boy- and girlfriends of course were happy. The exes were not happy. Brooke looked behind her and saw that her old boyfriend wasn't staring out of the window anymore, but he was staring right at her. And he was smiling. Brooke didn't know what to feel about that.

"We'll start with our favorite couple of two years back. Our shooting guard Lucas Scott and captain of the cheer squad Miss Brooke Davis. Who knows why they ever broke up?" Mr. Jones told and it made both Brooke and Lucas feel uncomfortable, to know that everybody in the school was so 'in' to their relationship. "You two will write a story about your relationship. How you met, how you fell in love, how it ended, but write it in a way like Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, like Ovidius's Dido and Aeneas. Let it feel contemporary!"

Lucas was glad that he was partnered up with Brooke. It was a perfect excuse to have some alone time with her. Of course they had hung out the last time, but also with their friends. Mostly there were some of his squad members or Brooke's friends like Peyton and Bevin. But never alone. And Lucas thought it now was the time to have the talk he wanted to have for such a long time. But only he wasn't glad about the assignment. Writing about their relationship would only open old wounds, and that wasn't what he needed. They needed to let the past be the past and start to make a new future, possibly together, if Lucas had any say in it.

Brooke was taking the same thing. Their relationship had been the most precious one she had ever had, but she didn't felt comfortable reliving it all together again.

Meanwhile, Mr. Jones had finished with all other couples in the room. Peyton was paired up with Mouth, since her boyfriend Jake wasn't in this class. Bevin and Skills were also partners; hence they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Ironically Brooke and Lucas were the only exes. Speaking of coincidence.

"Your assignments will be due the end of this month," he said and at that moment the bell rang and people left the class room. Brooke was one of the last one of the students to leave the class room, only Lucas was behind. Was she slow on purpose? Or was she really not satisfied with what she just had heard and it had caught her off guard?

"Hey Brooke," Lucas said as he walked towards her with the books under his arms. "So, we should get together for this task, which by the way, I think is very stupid!" he tried to make her smile and he accomplished a little.

"Yeah, we should." Was this the only conversation they were going to have?

"You are free this weekend?" he asked as they were walking in the hall on their way to their next lessons.

"Actually, I'm not. I'll be going to New York for the weekend with my dad and Brynn!" she responded.

"Okay. Next week then?"

"Sure," she said. But she didn't even look at him anymore. She just walked into the classroom.

-

The crowd was going wild. Everything was sold out. There wasn't a place that wasn't taken. This was their big chance. The band members waited for their announce, so they knew it was their time to take the center and do their thing. The three boys and two girls waited as the crowd was indeed going wilder and wilder.

"Madison Square Garden, let me hear you!" someone said as the audience screamed, "Okay, tonight for the first time in New York and tonight will be the only time they will be opening for the Plain White T's. New York, get ready for Black Tissue!" And the audience screamed even harder.

The five some entered the stage. One girl grabbed her guitar like a boy did also. One went behind the drums, while the third boy was going to play the piano. The other girl was staring at the ground as she walked toward the micro. She was the singer. She looked up and smiled. "One, two, Three, let's go!"

_Look at the skies,  
__And tell me what you see.  
__Do you see the same as me?  
__Yesterday was gone.  
__And I don't even know what  
I'm __supposed to do._

They sang five songs, before the Plain White T's took over. "Oh my god! You were great!" one girl said as they were back in their dressing room. She couldn't believe they sang before a sold out Madison Square Garden in New York City. It was a dream come true. "Sis, you were great!" the girl said as she took off her wig.

"Brooke, you were the bomb!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey I want to thank everybody who's reading this stories. Like onetreehillgirl066 said, you may recognise Hannah Montana in it, but only the fact that Brooke lives a double life. And it's basically going to be about Brooke living with the fact that she has two different lifes. And how to deal with an old boyfriend in the proces. But I hope y'all like it. Read & Review!**

**xxxxxxxxxx Ellie**

**Part 2 **

Brooke tried to read a book on her flight from New York back to North Carolina. But during the 1hours and 49 minutes flight she couldn't concentrate. All she could think about was school tomorrow morning and the fact that she and Lucas were going to work together on their project during homeroom. She didn't know if she could do it.

"Hey Brooke, you're okay?" her cousin Ryan asked. He was coming back with her to Tree Hill, while Brooke's sister stayed in New York. Ryan was a year older than Brooke and was starting college in a few weeks. So he decided to spend them with his uncle and cousin before he left for Duke.

"No, I'm okay. Just thinking, I guess," she replied. But truthfully, she wasn't okay. At this moment she just wanted to disappear. She wanted to a place where nobody knew her and where she could be whoever she wanted to be.

Ryan knew her cousin needed time to think and he didn't push her. She would tell him on her own time. When she was ready, he would listen.

-

"You have any idea, how we are going to start this?" Lucas asked, while he and Brooke were in the library on a Monday morning.

"No clue at all, but Mr. Jones gave me a list of questions that could maybe lead us into the right direction," she replied as she took a paper out of her bag. "Number one, how did you meet?"

Lucas smiled. Everybody knew how they met.

_… _

"Like that story is interesting!" Brooke said as she continued to look at the paper with questions. "Number 6, what was the first thing he/she did that impressed you?"

"Oh that's easy for me," he told, "It was Christmas Break freshman year and you took me outside, in the cold wind, you didn't give me even time to put on a coat and ordered me to make a snow angel!"

"Why was that impressive?"

"Because it was the first time I saw you smile on your own, without someone doing something to make you smile. You just smiled!" he said, almost as a whisper. Brooke didn't know what to say to that. So she didn't. She kept her mouth closed. Instead he continued.

-

They had been working on their project for about an hour now and they had a little idea about how they were going to present it, when Brooke had read one of the last questions. "What is the thing you regret the most in your relationship?"

She had just ended reading the question, when his answer was already formed. "Not one, there is not a single moment in our relationship that I regret. I cherish every moment we shared together. The good and bad ones!" Then the bell rang. Saved by the bell.

"We will continue another time, okay?" she told as she grabbed her books. She was preparing to leave, when she turned around. "There must be something you regret. I know I do!"

-

"Hi dad!" Brooke picked up her phone. It was lunch break and she and Peyton were sitting at their usual table, together with some of their friends.

_"Hi sweetie, I've got some got news!" _

"Okay, give me one minute, dad," she said, while excusing herself to her friends and going to a spot, where nobody could hear her. "Okay, dad, spill."

_"You're in. The label has just approved the contract!" _

Brooke couldn't hide her smile. "Oh my god! You're kidding me!"

_"No, I'm not. You'll just have to come to New York again with Ryan to sign the contract and it's official. I've booked you a flight for …" _

But Brooke cut him off. "Dad, I have school!"

_"Brooke …" _

"No, dad, one of the reasons was that my normal life in Tree Hill wouldn't be disturbed. So no, I'm not going to New York on a school day. I can come Friday evening. But that is the earliest I will come!"

_"Honey, I know it is. But if you really want to go through with this, you'll have to make some sacrifices. You can't Brooke Davis, cheerleading captain ánd Allie McKenzie, lead singer of Black Tissue!" _

"You know what dad, for as long I still can live a normal life. I'm doing it. I'll talk to you later!" And she closed her phone.

-

"Okay class, we have a transfer student from Idaho. This is Haley James." The history teacher announced in the afternoon. "Haley, there's a seat at the back!"

"Thank you," she said, but it was so quiet you could categorize it under whispering. Brooke looked at the girl and she could see she was incredibly shy. Brooke used to be just like that. Until someone offered her a place at their lunch table. How could her life have been if Peyton Sawyer hadn't come to her that day in middle school?

"Haley, I'm Brooke. If you want, I can show around the school," she offered.

"Thank you, but you don't have to. I'll find my way!" Haley replied and she was back down in her book.

Brooke was a little surprised, but decided not to give more thought to it.

-

"Hey Brooke, are you okay?" Peyton asked, while they were walking towards the gym for their cheerleading practice.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've been off this whole day? Like your mind somewhere else than your body."

She was right. She wasn't thinking about the things she should be thinking about. "Yeah, my brain had a lot of things to process today and it isn't as fast as it normally would. But trust me, tomorrow I'll be back!"

They continued their walk and inside, they were one of the last ones to arrive. When everyone had arrived, Brooke told them to go sit on the bleacher, because she had something to announce. "Okay, everyone, I know I haven't been the friendliest captain these last few days. But it's only because I want this team to be in its best shape, so that we can be beat Bear Creek this year and go the nationals. So I just want to thank everyone for keeping up with me!"

Slowly there came smiles on all the girls' faces and they began to applaud, which caught Brooke a little off guard. "And to show you, how committed I am to this team and how much I believe in it, I've got a little surprise." She opened the box that was standing next to her and she took out something blue and white. "Principal Turner thought it would be nice, if we got a new uniform!" And she threw one towards Peyton.

All the girls laughed and smiled. Brooke knew she had made to best decision to divide her private life and her life with the band. She didn't want to give up this life, because the smile on their faces made it all worthwhile.

-

"Thanks Ryan, I forgot how great your cooking was!" Brooke said after the two cousins finished dinner. The bell rang and Brooke excused herself to open it.

"Lucas, what are you doing here?" Brooke closed the door behind her and they sat on the steps of the front porch.

"I couldn't do anything else before I did this!" he started, "There is something I regret about our relationship!"

"Luke …"

"No Brooke, let me finish. What I regret really bad, is that we didn't get closure. We never really properly ended. We just walked away from it and I never got to close that chapter in my life!"

"Luke …" A tear was finding its way on her face.

"Good bye, Brooke. I will always cherish the moments we spent together." Lucas moved towards her and when his lips touched her lips after such a long time, it was electrifying. It was soft and sweet, but it was those kisses Brooke loved the most. They ended up in a hug. "I will always love you, Brooke Davis." And he got up without looking back, leaving a confused Brooke behind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everybody! It has taking me a very long time to update this story, because this chapter wouldn't write itself. But anyway I'm still not satisfied with it. But I hope you still like it.  
I like to thank the people who have reviewed and I encourage you to do so again and let other readers do the same!  
The next chapter would be up way sooner than this.**

xxx Ellie!

**Part 3**

Brooke woke up the next morning, but she wasn't in a cheery mood, like most of the other morning. The first thing that came to mind. Lucas had said goodbye. He had completely given up on them. She didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

She went downstairs to kitchen, where the smell of freshly made pancakes caught up with her nose. "Brynn?" she said as she saw her sister in an apron, "what are you doing here?"

"Well, dad came to me yesterday and told he had a very interesting conversation with you. He wanted to make sure you all right!"

"So you came from New York with a plane to see, if my alright?" Brooke asked, after she went to fridge, took out some milk and sat at the table.

"Sure!" she said. Brynn was again her usual cheery self. She was always cheery. That was something she loved about her sister. She was always optimistic, even in things weren't looking good. Brooke could also be cheery, but her face could easily drop, if something wasn't good.

"So I also told dad, that if you weren't going to New York to the label to sign the contract. The contract is coming to you!" Brynn told.

"What do you mean?"

"Someone from the label is coming this evening so that you and Ryan can sign it. Me and the guys have already signed it!"

Brooke started at her sister with an open mouth. It wasn't true. "You are kidding me, right?"

"Nope, I'm not. Look Brooke, we all know this the hardest on you. We all had a normal high school and we totally understand that you just want to finish it, the way you started it. That's why we all agreed to disguise us. You know, it's pretty funny actually. My roommate was at the concert in Madison Square Garden and afterwards she said we were so good and she wanted to meet us and be friends with us. And just couldn't stop smiling about it. It's was soo fun –"

"Brynn!" Brooke interrupted her sister. She could rattle.

"Okay. Sorry, it's actually a good thing the disguise. On stage I'm Jenna McKenzie, rock star and I can be what I've dreamed to be. But then I can also be Brynn Davis, shy girl from North Carolina. And that's the person who I'll always be. We all want to have our normal lives!"

"Thank sis, you're the best!"

"Don't I know it."

-

She was sitting in her room, playing her guitar. But you could see she was irritated. Something wasn't working for her. "Damm it!" she screamed as she tossed her guitar on the floor. Her hands were enraged in her hair, when Ryan entered the room.

"Brooke? What's the matter?" he asked as he sat next door while he offered her a glass of milk.

"Thank you," she told, "I know, we already have bunch of songs that are incredibly good to fill two whole albums. But I feel like we need a new one. I mean, I haven't written a song in a year and a half. Come one, that's way too long."

"Why do you think you can't write a song? You know, we can too. You don't have to have all that pressure. We want to help you."

"I know, but I kinda feel that suddenly my inspiration floated away and it still hasn't returned!" she said while taking a sip from her milk.

"Then maybe you need to look what happened a year and a half ago and try to find that inspiration back," he replied. Brooke looked at his cousin and knew he was right.

"I've gotta go to school."

-

First period was calculus; something Brooke didn't like to do and something she wasn't very good at. She looked at the clock and it actually looked like the time was actually going backwards. There were some limits written on the board, but she just couldn't focus. When the bell finally rang, Brooke stormed out of the classroom. Her next class would be more interesting. After all it was English.

Brooke made her way towards the classroom and took her regular place. Two places behind Lucas. When everyone including Mr. Jones had entered the classroom, class started. "Well since I've heard of many of my students that it's a difficult task, I'm giving you this hour the time to work on your assignment. If you have questions, I'm here to answer them. So think wisely, because it will probably the only time."

Brooke sighed. She didn't know how she was going to face Lucas after his confession last night. Brooke felt like he had given up on her and how could she ever live with that?

While everybody was changing places, she was searching something in her bag. When she had found it, she was suddenly faced with Lucas, who had taken place in front of her. "About last night…"

"Before you say anything," Brooke interrupted, "I have to give you something." She handed him a letter. "I wrote it that morning after we spent the night together during the Classics last year. You were sleeping that morning and I couldn't sleep anymore, and I wrote you this. And I want you to read it now."

Lucas remembered that weekend. Brooke's team had become second and she needed some comforting. They had broken up for some months then and it was actually the first time they had spent some time together. Nothing had happened that night. They had just talked for hours and he asked her stay. They would just sleep together in the same bed. Nothing more, nothing less. Their friendship had taken a new development after that weekend.

He opened the letter and started reading.

_Dear Lucas,_

_You are sleeping now. You look so peaceful and I can't believe that at some moment a long time ago I was actually yours. I can't believe it has been so long since the last time I touched your lips with mine. It feels like forever. I'm still so in love with you and I hope sometimes I can call me yours again. But that is someday, at the moment we still need some time apart. _

_You are probably never going to read this letter, but that doesn't mean these words aren't true. Because they are, they are so true. More true than I'll ever probably tell you. _

_You are still sleeping and a tear slips from my eye. What can I say? I always let a tear when I see you sleep. There are so many things I miss about you. Your smell after we showered together, the fact that you let me know everyday why you love me, you always make me feel like the most special world in the world, you make me believe I can achieve anything, you have inspired me in so many ways, the fact that I don't know anymore if I'm the first thing you think about in the morning, I just miss everything about you._

_And if I ever give you this letter, I want this again. You will know where to find me._

_Yours always, _

_Brooke_

As soon as he finished reading, he noticed Brooke was gone. She wasn't sitting in front him anymore. He stormed out of the classroom, ignoring the calling of Mr. Jones that he can't just leave in the middle of class.

Nobody was in the hall way. Where could she be? Lucas would know where to find her, she wrote. But actually he had no clue where to find her. He walked around through the halls of Tree Hill High and thought about possible places where she could be. Then, she noticed the door of the Janitor's closet. Could it really be? They had spent countless hours there between classes and during their free periods. Slowly he opened the door and there on the other side of the small room, sitting on a table and twirling with her thumbs, was his angel. She looked up and a smile formed on her face. They stayed silent for some moments as he closed the door behind him. "I was hoping you would come."

That was all it took for him to smash his lips on hers.

-

The next morning, Brynn and Ryan woke up in a very pleasant way. They made their way towards their sister's and cousin's room and slowly opened the door to see Brooke playing the guitar while singing.

_Don't speak  
I know just what you're saying  
So please stop explaining  
Don't tell me cause it hurts  
Don't speak  
I know what you're thinking  
I don't need your reasons  
Don't tell me cause it hurts_

**The song at the bottom is from No Doubt - Don't Speak. I borrowed from this story as a song for Black Tissue.**


End file.
